When it comes to slash pairings, I can differentiate between my perverted desires and subtext that's actually there, thanks. House, MD happens to be fraught with legitimate subtext between House and Wilson, whether the show creators intended it or not; never have I seen a slash pairing that casual viewers pick up on or gets unintentionally treated as a legitimate pairing underneath vehement denial. There's something different going on in House.

I've written this for the choir, who already knows all the answers; the skeptics, who claim to see nothing but friendship and think we're crazy; and even those who are picking up on something but can't put their fingers on it. I'll be comparing and contrasting House/Wilson to the Sean/Christian, Willow/Tara, and Jack/Ianto relationships. Naturally, there are spoilers ahoy for Torchwood (only up to episode 201), Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Nip/Tuck. Oh, and House, MD, of course.



What This Is Not
I always feel it's necessary to outline what I'm not talking about: this isn't about convincing everyone that TPTB are going to or must bring canon H/W to a TV near you (or that you should even want them to). It's about how those of us who think the subtext points to “more than friendly feelings” and how that's a perfectly legitimate, logical, non-rabid train of thought.

This is not about how House and Wilson are the greatest characters ever or how you should love them or love them together. You can hate House and/or Wilson for all I care, or think they'd be a terrible couple. Not the point.

I try to approach my writing as scientifically as possible, leaving bias at the door and using as much concrete evidence as I can – and I'm always willing to clarify. I'm trying to be as concise as possible, but feel free to ask me to expand on a point. And, finally, don't assume I hate/love character X or pairing Y because of something I've written here; you might be surprised.

Sean/Christian (Nip/Tuck)
Nip/Tuck is so slashy, it has a slash in the title. (I know, lame.)

But, seriously: the show has been termed a “romance between two straight men,” and if you watch any five minutes of the show, you'll understand how true that is. Sean and Christian are as inseparable as House and Wilson – and just as screwed up. Both pairings even have their own “beard” – Julia on Nip/Tuck, Cuddy on House. Sean and Christian's scenes also have a lot of overt, well, gay. It's a lot of fun.

And that's where this show differs from House. While one could construct a believable argument that Christian is actually in love with Sean, there doesn't seem to be any actual sexual tension or romantic feelings between the two – just a very deep, very complex friendship. Why is that?

For one, Nip/Tuck has no problems making fun of itself – after all, it's a glorified soap opera: it lives to be ridiculous and over-the-top. Christian turns out to be the biological father of Matt, Sean's son, since he slept with Julia the night before she married Sean. Sean and Christian then frequently refer to themselves as “Matt's two dads” and refer to Matt as “our son”; after Matt has a kid, they refer to her as “our granddaughter.” And early on, there's a scene in which Sean and Christian talk to the principle at Matt's school, and she thinks they're a couple – to which Christian tries to correct her by saying, “You don't understand: we're partners!” and quickly realizes that doesn't help. The show is not only self-aware, it intentionally comes up with situations to maximize the appearance of them being a couple.

Additionally, Nip/Tuck has even dipped seriously into the topic during Season 4, which finds Christian having dreams about being in a relationship with Sean, and his off-kilter psychiatrist tries to get him to think he might be gay (at least for Sean). Later in the storyline, after Sean finds out about this, he approaches Christian and tries to turn him down gently, saying, “we're brothers.” Of course, Christian had already resolved these issues and looked at Sean like he was nuts. They even had a laugh later, after heartfelt conversation, when Sean says, “That sounded gay, didn't it?”

Essentially, any tension that might build up between the two gets resolved, either through self-aware humor, or a more serious look at the characters that doesn't leave anyone feeling cheated. (Or violence – that also relieves tension very well.)

In contrast, the increasingly blatant subtext between House and Wilson (S1: Christmas dinner. S2: House vs God. S3: Housetraining. S4: Wilson dating House in a skirt.) tends to go unaddressed within the show beyond a few exchanged glances among House's fellows and the occasional comment from Foreman. (“Why are we on this case? Because Wilson asked?” “Look at how he is with Wilson!” “House would do Wilson before you would do Chase.”) There's a level of tension going on between these two characters that is continuing to build and build and build...with no payoff in sight. And the remarks made about the men's strange relationship are so few and far between and so tame that both the show and the characters themselves seem all too cautious about broaching the topic. Why? Because there might be some truth there?

Furthermore, look at the fandoms: there's very little slash fiction for Nip/Tuck, while there are mountains and mountains for House, MD about House and Wilson alone. People respond differently to these shows for the very reasons mentioned: while Nip/Tuck is very slashy and homoerotic on the surface, all that lies beneath is friendship, but in House, underneath the friendship lies some more questionable feelings.

Willow/Tara (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
I'll admit, I wasn't (and still am technically not) in the Buffy fandom when Willow and Tara hooked up, so I don't have a first-hand account of reactions, but apparently some people were so dense that they didn't understand the two were a couple until they kissed on screen over a year later. Baffling, since Willow actually calls Tara her girlfriend. Just goes to show you how powerful denial is.

Anyone aware of the magic of subtext can tell from Tara's first appearance that the spark between them was more than friendship. And if you didn't get it then, well, their behavior definitely indicated they were more than friends – Tara gets upset upon the return of Oz, Willow's ex-boyfriend; Tara wants to make her room “Willow-friendly” and “they” get a pet cat, and generally come off a bit nervous (in a cautiously excited way) around each other.

And if that wasn't enough? Well, there was metaphor, which Buffy loves. Magic became an increasingly blatant metaphor for sex – in one episode, Willow says she doesn't want Tara to think she comes over just to do “spells.” More obvious: the panting and sweating when they cast a spell. Then it beats you over the head during Willow's dream, in which Xander says, “Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell, and then I do one by myself.” Even before “demon” becomes a temporary metaphor for lesbianism, “witch” does the trick – during one conversation with Buffy, Willow conflates her relationship with Tara and witchcraft.

So what's this got to do with House and Wilson, again?

Well, the contrast is that Willow and Tara were intended to and do become canon, whereas on House, the general assumption is that there will be no on-screen House/Wilson smoochies (or happies) and that the subtext at least started out unintentional. (But, come on, who openly likens their characters to Holmes and Watson and doesn't intend anyone to read some homoeroticism into the relationship?)

But there are a lot of similarities. For one, as Giles said, “the subtext is rapidly becoming text.” Willow and Tara began the way it did so they could make it onto TV in the first place (my, how things changed a few seasons later when Willow was allowed to have on-screen sex with Kennedy). And we all know that a show with a supposedly heterosexual lead harboring more-than-friendly feelings for, much less getting involved with, his supposedly equally heterosexual male friend is unlikely. The only way it'll get through for now? Subtext. Since we can't have text, that just makes the subtext all the more important.

Like Willow and Tara, House and Wilson's behavior is not typical of “just friends.” House freaks out, on a very consistent basis, if Wilson even looks at a woman. He sabotages Wilson to try to keep him living at his apartment, and tries to get him to move back in, and then seems pissed off during the third season because he wouldn't. Wilson's marriages fall apart over the man, and at least one of his wives knows it. (Bonnie telling House about Wilson's performance in bed makes no goddamn sense. Unless she was suspicious about Wilson's relationship with him – that scene suddenly makes a lot more sense.)

The viewer can choose not to see the subtext, or at least not take it seriously, and just insist House and Wilson have only platonic feelings towards each other. But, clearly, that point of view is not automatically more legitimate.

Jack/Ianto (Torchwood)
Torchwood is slasher heaven with canonical fluid sexualities and on-screen make-outs between men and between women. (And, yes, even between men and women! Gasp.) The main character, Jack Harknesss, will do anything if he thinks she/he/it is pretty. And Ianto? He's totally hitting that.

I'll give you some time to start your illegal downloads now.

Amid all the bold text of Torchwood, Jack and Ianto's relationship actually begins in barely-there subtext land. Jack's a flirt, so it's not out of place when he introduces Ianto to Gwen by saying, “...and he looks good in a suit.” Hey, it's not even all that weird he didn't introduce anyone else in a flirty way, or that Ianto played along (“Careful, that's harassment, sir”). As far as the viewer knows, Ianto's probably straight – after all, he nearly kills everyone by harboring his girlfriend-turned-cyborg. Surprisingly, typically ruthless Jack is pissed, but keeps him around. Yeah, he kisses Ianto while he's passed out, but you can write that off as Jack being a ho, if you wanted to.

Besides an instance of eyesexing, there's not a whole lot going on, and then – bam! Okay, we still don't see anything, but Ianto tells Jack there's “a lot you can do with a stopwatch,” wink wink, nudge nudge. Jack tells Ianto to send everyone home early. In other words: they're having sex. It's one of those implications that, if you don't get it, you're stupid, naïve, or in deep denial. But still technically in the realm of subtext. They are not seen kissing each other until the season finale. (And that was before the show learned about subtlety.)

The Season 2 opener contains a scene between the two in which important information about where their relationship stands and is heading is conveyed almost entirely through...subtext. Very intentional subtext that those working on the show reference.

Oh, hey, that's nothing like House!

Wrong. Even if viewing the relationship between House and Wilson purely as friendship, the majority of it lies in subtext. Implications. Hints. Ambiguity. It's part of what makes them so much more complex than any other combination of characters on House (with maybe...Foreman and Cameron's frenemy relationship coming in a close second). There's speculation over what House meant when he said, “I love you” to Wilson – and what Wilson's (non-?)reaction meant, for God's sake! (And I'm not just talking about slashers.) Hell, a lot of people can't quite figure out why they're friends!

And like Jack, House tends to hit on/sexually harass anything with a pulse (yes, including men), but it doesn't really mean anything. Yes, House thinks Cuddy, Cameron, and Thirteen are hot. Shock. If you take that away, how much of a basis is there, really, for a relationship with them? Take away House's sexual remarks to Wilson (or Jack's remarks to Ianto), and there's still a solid friendship, at least. (Notably, both House and Jack make efforts to patch their relationships on the others' terms: Ianto wants a real relationship, Jack suggests a date. After Tritter Hell, House is seen apologizing, thanking, and saying “I love you” to Wilson. Neither are perfect; both are trying, at least.)

Additionally, if Torchwood could get Jack/Ianto out of nothing, then it makes sense people see House/Wilson amid all the something: much more has been going on between House and Wilson than a single flirtation, an instance of favorable treatment, and one bout of questionable eyesex – and for a much longer time. So is it not logical that people will...read into it?

How Did We Get Here?
House creators have written themselves into a corner when it comes to House and Wilson.

Yeah, you heard me.

As I mentioned, House and Wilson's relationship is written with the most complexity. Wilson is the only character who's not House that's needed on the show (except maybe Cuddy, but I'd argue there just needs to be a boss character, not her in particular), as he allows viewers to see the side of House that would otherwise remain unknown. Their “stupid, screwed-up” relationship is probably more co-dependent and vampyric than anything romantic, but the fact that they're both so wrapped up in each other's lives to the exclusion of, well, everyone (except Stacy), makes it difficult to see how a convincing, successful, heterosexual romance could enter the picture for either of them.

Think about it. If a woman's going to waltz in and whisk away Wilson forever, well, Wilson himself needs to change, because his failure to maintain a relationship with a woman is part of his character. And it would need to be addressed, since it's such a huge point that's been beaten into the viewers' heads over the years. In addition, to be a convincing and satisfying storyline, the relationship would need time to develop. Because we damn well would need to see why this relationship would be so different for Wilson – and why we should even care to see him in it. Even if Wilson managed all of this, House wouldn't let him ride off into the sunset so easily.

Tied up in this are the perceptions of Wilson being gay, which far too many people think (or at least wonder about) to be a coincidence. Shockingly, having Wilson be gay is probably the only way to get him away from House convincingly. But Wilson being gay would cause huge amounts of people assume he's in love with House. (You know, because gay men can't have male friends. It must be love!)

If a woman waltzes in and whisks House away? Well, his relationship with her needs to match the complexity found in his relationships with Wilson and Stacy (regardless of how you felt about her). No intelligent viewer will buy a Honey or a Dr. Terzi, but perhaps a Maddy (aka “dwarf mom”) - because House respected that woman in addition to being attracted to her. That's what we expect of House, who's supposed to value intelligence and be annoyed by stupidity. But there's another roadblock: how would he even start a relationship? House tends to make an idiot of himself or simply isn't willing to go through the trouble and pain. And if he suddenly changes, well, that needs to be explained. In-depth.

And most people? Don't want to see House romancing someone. And rightfully so: he'd be out of character. The show has already had him act bizarrely lately in regards to women: he apparently can't think around beautiful, but very stupid, women (since when?) and Thirteen's arguments are oh-so-persuasive to get him to curb his curiosity. (What happened to “I'm the most curious man alive”?) And guess what? It's unsatisfying. When viewers see that, they don't trust the writers and don't want House messing around. They want to see him miserable and alone (and maybe even dead) at the end of the series.

But, see, the writers wrote themselves into a corner there, too: House wouldn't be alone. He'd still have Wilson.

See the problem there?