Wow, soon as the open credits are done rolling, we get House obsessing over Wilson! :D


"I have a case you might be interested in--"
"Not now!"
Nothing can distract him from...whatever he's trying to do!


"It can wait."
How many times do we need to point out that it is, in fact, canon that in House's mind, Wilson > cool medical cases?


*THUD*
"I knew I should have set up video cameras!"


LOLOLOLOLZ.


WILSON IS LYING ON THE FLOOR SO MY MIND IS IN THE GUTTER.


"Oh my goodness! I played a practical joke on my friend, and he's badly injured...I wish I'd learned this valuable lesson earlier." XD


I don't know why Wilson catching it made me happy. But it did. AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.


It was...very hard to focus during this scene.


"I've been waiting by the window for an hour. Why are you late?" God, House. You're. So. Pathetic. It's cute.


Wilson lies through his lying teeth.


LOL. WTF? LOL.




Wilson has a David Hasselhoff moment. The crawling and the little lethargic sigh didn't help matters here XD


"Sorry to interfere with your plans to maim me..."



I agree, House. If he were naked, everything really would be perfect.


"The doughnut's a nice touch..."
Yeah, a nice phallice one, rather than a round one. (Huh. Round, with a hole in the middle...that's quite yonic, now that I think of it.)


SORRY RSL. BUT I ONLY MAKE FUN OF THOSE I LOVE. (I THINK I ACTUALLY WANT TO DO YOU MORE NOW.)


Heehee.


So easy to pervert...


"My way of saying, 'welcome back.'" And "LOVE ME."


A I was still riding a high from "Birthmarks," and now they do this. At this rate, I should not only be high during next week's episode, but also during the next break. Excellent. XD


"...You want to investigate him because he ate a doughnut?" Any excuse at all to obsess over Wilson.


"...there's no way he'd come into work and want more carbs." Oh. Wilson.


"He lied to me." No, really?


This is Mr. Sprinkles last episode, isn't it? I'M GOING TO MISS HIM BEING ADORABLE AND FLIRTING WITH CUDDY.


"Things always change..." Aw, emo House strikes back.
.............<3


"And that sucks."
"......yeah. Find out where he was."


Hm, where's Mr. Sprinkles?


WTF. Is that Wilson? Playing a video game?


Wait, wait. Is that House and Mr. Sprinkles watching Wilson?
..............EPIC GAY.


"What's he doing now?"
"Playing some carjacking game. He'd get a lot farther if he didn't stop at all the red lights."
OH MY GOD. WILSON. HOW IS IT I LOVE YOU MORE EACH DAY?


Theorizing. I say it's bunnies.


WHUT.


"Wilson doesn't buy his 'pizza'."
.....DUDE. HOW AWESOME. Remember in S3, when "pizza" meant "sex"? And then Wilson wanted House to have "pizza with a friend"? And in S4, they were eating pizza together? And now it's sex again. LOL. PTB, YOU MAKE IT TOO EASY.


UH OH.



House is getting jealous over a hooker. How pathetic and ubergay is that?


Now he and Mr. Sprinkles shall be voyeurs. (And Wilson will be an exhibitionist by having sex by his giant, open window. Just be thoroughly convincing.)


=D



House is staging an intervention. Or something.


Last week confirmed that annoyed!Wilson is always secretly laughing on the inside. XD


Rawr.
"Haven't sat on this couch for four months."



"...it remembers my cheeks."
"IT" IS NO WAY TO REFER TO WILSON--oh you mean the couch. Oops.



Takes a breath...


"I've missed this."
WHY ARE YOU SO ADORABLE, YOU LITERAL BASTARD?


"Get me caught up. Come on, what did you do? Travel? Get a new hobby? Did you meet someone?"



"Actually...Yes. I sort of...started...dating someone."
God, this whole scene's dialog was written so perfectly to reveal Wilson's dating a guy. The writer's are evil. They totally did it on purpose XD





"................great."
Once again, House can't tell Wilson's lying to him, and he's unreasonably upset at Wilson dating/sexing anyone. Uh huh.....




"What does she do? Is she an...actress?"
"No. Why would you think that?" LOL.



Wilson funny faces FTW.


"She's not--"


".........."


Awkward silence.


"You're going to find out anyway, because you're going to meet her."
(I want someone to take a portion of this scene, do some audio editing-fu and change the 'her' to a 'him,' post it on YouTube, pretend it's real, and see the reactions. XD)




"She's...a prostitute."



Stoic expression. But his inner thoughts are: WHATWHATWHAT. DANGER DANGER DANGER WTF NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.


"Used to be..."



"She made some mistakes...single mom, had some drug issues. But, she's so smart..."
This story here is when I knew Wilson was lying. It sounds like the plot to some Lifetime movie.






Stay calm. Stay...calm...stay--WILSON DON'T DO IT I LOVE YOU NO I JUST GOT YOU BACK YOU MANWHORE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. DD:


"She wants to go to law school. And I told her I'd help her with tuition."
It's funny that Wilson knows that this is one thing that would really get to House. Isn't that...rather. I don't know. GAY?




Don't be jealous don't be jealous don't be-- "How long have you known her?"


"I knew you'd be like this." We all did.



"I asked a question!" Yeah, in a very needy, rawr-you're-mine kind of way...


"House, you are a drug addict. You go to protistutes. You can't be judgmental!"




"And yet..."


"Don't do this to me. I was hurting, and wanted to feel good...



House is hurting and wants to feel good, too. See? Match made in heaven XD


"I didn't expect it to go this way...I--"




"Amber...said she wanted me to be happy. And...Debbie makes me happy."
A BLONDE WOMAN NAMED DEBBIE? LIKE, FROM ACCOUNTING? HUH, HUH?





He knows House can't resist his puppy dog eyes.


Oh, but House tries to.
"If you're happy...I'm...................*jumps up and leaves*" XDDDDDDD





That line is so awesome, 'cause House says it to Cuddy, too. The show just equated House/Wilson with House/Cuddy. That's a little far to go for "just teasing."



"What does it even mean, dating a hooker?"
"He's an idiot with a messiah complex."
Heehee, Mr. Sprinkles is House's girlfriend to talk to about his love life.


"Savior to all who need saving [...] He's the one who needs to be saved."
"From you or the ho?"
Mr. Sprinkles. WIN. (I'm so upset he's not getting his own show. I'm going to miss him. WHY IS TPTB TAKING AWAY EVERYONE I LOVE?)


House?


Oh, not, just his and Wilson's lovechild. (I think I need to icon this.)


"Sometimes I find out things you'd rather not know..."
I kind of hope, in the next episode, Wilson reveals Mr. Sprinkles was working with him.


"This was in his trash. He's using." Heroin from Afghanistan?



.........OH I GET IT. I R SMRT.




"You're back."



"Genius."


"Damn. I knew it was too much."




"Well, you had no choice. Where we you going to go after fake hooker girlfriend?" I'm surprised it took you so long, House.
....wait, not really. XD


"How did you know he was outside?" And why did you have sex anyway?


"Cane prints."
EPIC WIN.


"I'm actually kind of insulted. No way I'm a drug addict, but you completely buy that I fell in love with a prostitute?" That's thing about jealous rages...





"You played your strengths. By which I mean you played your weaknesses."




"Oh my god."




"You invoked your dead girlfriend's name to sell me?"


AND IT'S NOT EVEN THE FIRST TIME HE DID IT.


"You're my hero." House is turned on by bastardly deviousness.


"Best thirty dollars I ever spent." ....I kind of want to read a fic about Wilson and the hooker. They go into the bedroom and drink tea or something XD



"Thirty? Did you keep her number?"
There are some things you don't share, House, but.....you know that already.


"Unfortunately, I killed her and buried her in the basement."
Wilson, you sick, sick man.
This is why House loves you.



"Shame. Hungry?" I told you House was turned on. He wants "pizza" now.



"Yeah."



"Seriously, where were you the other morning?" I mean, I rolled over in bed, and you weren't there. Or in the kitchen, making pancakes. Seriously, WTF?


Come on Wilson, you know you love it.


"Don't make me do this again!" What, pantomime making out with House?


"It has nothing to do with you." Dear.



"Then tell me."
"We're going bowling on Monday." I still love you, see? See?


"I'm coming over to play poker this weekend." Wow, they're going through a second honeymoon. The marriage lives on!


"Nothing's changed!" Aww. So...freakin' adorable. "You have to trust that."




"....okay."





"You're gonna...keep following me, aren't you?"




"That's what we do!" And we love it.


"Be outside my apartment at eight o'clock tonight."
Someone's going to get hurt with all this sex.




Don't need to tell House twice.


Even though I'm a spoiler addict, for a second, I thought, "OH MY GOD WILSON IS FATHERING CUDDY'S CHILD."


I've just come to accept Wilson and Cuddy have a rather warped friendship.
You know, the one where Cuddy takes and Wilson gives.



"Oh my god. You guys shop here, too?"



"Why are you here?"
"Because he ate the doughnut?"
I'm sure Cuddy's wondering whether that's some kind of weird euphemism.


"I'm so sorry. He must have followed me."
"I'm sure."
WILSON. YOU NAUGHTY BOY.




"I'm adopting a baby."
"She asked me to be a character reference. That's where I was the other morning. I'm sorry, I couldn't betray your confidence."



Cuddy has been approved.


Wilson knows something's up with House...




"Are you going to congratulate me?"
"If you're happy, I'm................*exits*"


There is something wrong with that man.


Not enough epic gay? Check this out! I wish more actors on American shows would be like them. (Lee Tergesen and Christopher Meloni being among those few <3)