Title Straight Disguise
Rating PG-13
Pairing House/Wilson; some Cameron/Chase
Word Count 1,630
Spoilers This is written as a pseudo-alternate version of season three (only because I'm too impatient to wait for the season to end and start from there), and some events occur in the story, although a little jumbled up, so yes and no to there being spoilers.
Summary Cameron accidently catches House and Wilson kissing while delivering a case. Being Cameron, she can't drop the issue and investigates, and Wilson being himself, panics.
A/N Here's chapter 3, which is actually the first one I wrote (and the easiest)! This chapter's song, "I'm A Guy," is from Anjuli Dawn's album Give, and taken completely out of context to make it fit =D God, I love this song.



Cameron practically skips to the diagnostics department, file in hand – the patient is a firefighter. Helping people who help others selflessly is the kind of case that interests her, and from the looks of it, may be able to interest House as well.

She enters the empty conference room, and wonders where everyone is; usually, at least Chase is there doing his crossword puzzles with some object hanging from his mouth. Cameron looks over into House's office, and he's not there. Then something on the balcony catches her attention.

House is out there, and Cameron begins to go over to him, but freezes in place when she notices he's with Wilson. At least she thinks it's Wilson, because House is kind of draped over him and their faces smashed together. Cameron feels herself flush and tries to turn around and leave; maybe she can pretend she saw nothing.

But House, of course, always has perfect (or maybe terrible) timing, and opens the door to the conference room and asks, “Got a case?”

With some effort, Cameron tries to compose herself and faces House to answer, but only nods when no sound comes out of her mouth. Her eyes drift back to the balcony of their own accord, and she notices Wilson is still standing there, back to them, rubbing his face, probably his lips. Cameron snaps her eyes back to House, but she knows he already noticed the direction her gaze. She shoves the folder into his hands with a little too much force.

House's eyes linger on her for a moment before he begins studying the file, except it's a little difficult to do, since Cameron is still staring at him. He decides to let the awkward silence fester, because he knows Cameron will try to fill it with something stupid, and that always entertains him.

“Were you just kissing Wilson?” She finally asks, in that accusatory tone, as if House owes her an explanation about every detail of his life.

“Is that what it looked liked?” House asks, keeping his eyes on the file.

“Uh, well, er...” Cameron stammers. It's very painful to watch (not as a painful as, say, an infarction), but House wants to watch her squirm. Fortunately for her, Chase and Foreman finally show up and they all begin discussing the case, and Cameron wonders if she imagined the entire thing.

Once the differential is over and the fellows leave, Wilson enters the room, pinching the bridge of his nose. “How did you embarrass me, now?”

“I think having your tongue down my throat is more embarrassing to me, considering your reputation,” House replies in mock indignation. “Lucky you, Cameron doesn't seem to know what tonsil hockey looks like. And I made her squirm, which is always a bonus.”

“As long as you're entertained,” Wilson sighs in his passive-aggressive tone that always makes House want to become violent for a split second. “Seriously, House, not at work.” Wilson goes, and House's mind goes to work on that comment.



“I think I saw House kissing Wilson,” Cameron says in a small voice, as if she is suffering some sort of trauma from seeing her boss lock lips with someone who isn't her.

Foreman and Chase exchange looks; Foreman looks bored, while Chase wears a slightly alarmed expression. “I knew it,” Foreman says. “You owe both us $300.”

Somehow, Cameron manages to snap out of her daze for a moment to correct this. “That bet expired a year ago!”

“I knew I should have put money on them hooking up before you and Chase,” Foreman says. This time, Chase attempts to exchange looks with Cameron, but she has her perfect poker face on – either that, or her House obsession has flared up and nothing else matters.

“I need to find out what's going on,” Cameron mumbles to herself, almost absent-absentmindedly. She takes a turn to head off somewhere else to do something that's probably no good. Chase and Foreman continue on their way to do their jobs.

“Do you think that means his comments actually mean something?” Chase asks. A self-satisfied smile forms on Foreman's face, but he doesn't answer Chase's question.



There's a knock at the door of Wilson's office, and he reflexively says, “come in,” assuming it's House since he doesn't have any scheduled appointments. Instead, he is blessed with Cameron's presence; her mouth is a little open, and her eyes are wide, very much resembling a deer in the lights. Wilson sighs heavily, but offers her a seat anyway. “What do you need?”

“I don't exactly need something,” Cameron begins cautiously. “I wanted to ask you a question.”

Damnit, Wilson thinks to himself, why can't Cameron ever let anything go? Or at least stop trying to look sweet and innocent when she acts as obsessive as House does. “Oh?” Wilson tries to sound as innocent as she does. “About what?”



Later that day, Wilson goes over to House's office; when he sees the fellows in the room with him, Wilson slows down a bit, hoping to get there after they leave. But he's not a lucky guy, and ends up having to slip in silently, because turning around would be too suspicious. House briefly glances over at him while making some convoluted metaphor only Chase is following; Cameron doesn't even try to hide the fact that she's staring at Wilson. He shifts uncomfortably, and House finally assigns the fellows a new set of tasks to perform on the almost-dying patient.

“You know what Cameron came to talk to me about?” Wilson asks as soon as the fellows are well gone.

“A foursome in the janitor's closet, I hope.”

“No – wait, foursome?”

“Her and the Aussie, you and me,” he says simply. “I'm not sure about that Chase character, though, with his kinky fetishes and all. You into leather?”

“Cameron and Chase are together?” Wilson asks, then decides he doesn't really care to know, unlike some people. “Never mind.” Wilson shakes his head and slides into the chair across from House, sighing yet again today. “Cameron decided to launch the Inquisition on me.”

“Did you school her in the birds and the birds?”

Wilson runs his hands over his face. “It obviously doesn't matter what I said, after your little prank this morning.”

“That wasn't a prank, that was real,” House replies with more false indignation before slipping into a semi-serious tone. “Who cares? Everyone had their suspicions a long time ago.”

“Except they were just suspicions, then.”

“Right. I get it. Looking gay is bad, acting gay is worse.”

“Don't do this.”

“Do what? The only one here doing anything is you. I'm just providing a commentary.”

Wilson starts rubbing the back of his neck and wishes he still had the option of retreating and returning when House is in a better mood; but if he leaves now, he knows that there will only be two choices – go home and sleep on the couch, or stay at the hospital and sleep on his office couch. Which really isn't much of a choice. “This isn't coming out right. Look --”

Just then, House's trusty pager goes off. He takes a glance at it and slips it back in his pocket as he says, “Kids. Always breaking things,” and then he gets up and leaves. Wilson sighs to himself, and wonders if he's capable of not screwing up any and every relationship he gets involved in.

When House turns the corner, he stops for a moment to rub his right leg. He decides to take the elevator instead of the stairs.



Once the patient's crisis is dealt with, House attempts to get back to his office, but Cameron stops him first. He rolls his eyes and says, “Are we going to have another one of those 'moments' that I love oh so much?”

“We don't have to talk about in the middle of the hall.”

“We don't have to talk at all,” he replies sharply. The Cameron's surprised look is priceless. “I'm going to go home, and you're going to do your damn job.” He starts to walk away.

“What about you? We didn't solve the case yet.”

“'We' didn't,” House shouts back without stopping, “But I did.”



Wilson unlocks the door to the apartment; House had left work early, with no explanation, but Wilson already knew. This is exactly why he didn't want to let their non-fight hang over their heads all afternoon.

He tosses his keys on the coffee table and calls House's name; there's no answer. Wilson really doesn't want to have this conversation, because he knows House is right, and he's just going to let House win this one, anyway. Wilson hears the bedroom door slam shut and he flinches.

“House?” He says through the door; still no answer. Wilson bangs against a few times, but he quickly sees that is getting him no where. “I'm sorry, okay?”

Still no answer. Wilson gets the spare blanket and pillow out of the closet and makes his bed on the couch. He remembers that he hasn't eaten yet, but he's not hungry, and tries not to worry about House, whom he is sure didn't eat, either.

House sits on the bed, in the dark. In his hands, he is turning over an old bottle vicodin; there's still ten pills left.

He eventually opens it.



“I'm a guy
I'm a good-looking guy
I'm an educated guy
I'm a sensitive guy;
I'm the kind of guy you want at your bedside
When it's time to die

So if you ever decide
That you might like guys
Don't be shy
Please don't hide
I'd like to give us a try”

I'm A Guy
~ Anjuli Dawn