You start dating someone. They have quirks. They’re endearing. Then the quirks become flaws. And they’re fucking annoying and you just want to punch the goddamn motherfucking asshole in the face after a while.


And that’s when you know it’s over.

I’ve ranted many times before about how House sucks at handling female characters, especially Cuddy. But the Season 6 finale has given me reason to write up an updated rant.

This show has the odd habit of sidelining and writing out well-rounded female characters, and keeping around the two dimensional plot devices. Cameron had a lot of screen time during the seasons she chased after House. Once she quit, we saw less of her, even though her relationship with House had become more organic, and she grew professionally and personally--not to mention, Jennifer Morrison grew quite a bit as an actress. Season 6, TPTB decide for no readily apparent reason that they need to write out Cameron, in a hurried and senseless way. In all honesty, it made just as much sense for Chase to leave and Cameron to stay. And yet.

Thirteen was off to a shaky start in Season 4, being played up as “the mysterious one” and “the one who cares” (the exact same qualities ascribed to Cameron in Season 1); she was a mixed bag in Season 5, on the one hand becoming more personable, but on the other gratuitously making out with women while in a down spiral, and then having a steady relationship with a man, complete with Unfortunate Implications. Season 6 was her best yet; she and the others on House’s team seemed to really gel, she’s funny, she’s complex, and the writers learned to play to Olivia Wilde’s strengths. Season 6 finale, time to write her out! Sure, it’s likely because Wilde’s career is taking off, but it also would have been nice to give a character who’s been around for three seasons a proper send-off rather than being treated as an afterthought. (Maybe she can come back in a Very Special Episode just to leave again, just like Cameron.)

Oh, and then there was Amber (AMBER!), all personality right out of the gate and a force to be reckoned with. Disappointingly, she doesn’t make House’s team and is erroneously implied to not be “the one who cares,” but she’s quickly brought back as Wilson’s girlfriend and we get a chance to see her personal life up close. Amber is given an incredible amount of depth over the course of just 14 episodes. Not to mention Anne Dudek can more than hold her own with Hugh Laurie. Of course TPTB decide to kill her off. When they bring her back as House’s subconscious in Season 5, she’s a highlight in an abysmal season and it’s obvious they’ve made a huge mistake.

Amber gets replaced by Sam in Season 6—and although Sam’s given some wonderful insight on Wilson, she has about as much personality as a sack of rocks. Unfortunately, they conveniently made her a doctor, so she may stick around and even work at PPTH just so TPTB can go “SEE? WE HAZ LADIEZ.” Don't get me started on Taub's wife, Rachel, who has as much personality as...Sam. At some point I stopped being interested in Taub-and-Rachel, and was just interested in what Taub was going to do, with Rachel as his prop.

Cuddy was hard-as-nails in the beginning; TPTB didn’t spend much time developing her character, but she had a strong appeal and certaintly wasn’t devoid of feeling. She also had fantastic chemistry with House. Cuddy had a lot of promise.* And TPTB pissed it away, all the while patting themselves on the back.

The writing quality for Cuddy’s character has an inverse relationship to how hard the writers pushed Huddy. This started back in Season 3. Whereas previous seasons featured a constant power play between Cuddy and House, in Season 3 House began to steamroll Cuddy. She kept him out of jail, and he never showed her any gratitude. And she just accepted it. Previously, their chemistry was organic and arose from the witty writing; TPTB noticed and decided to create contrived (but still enjoyable) episodes such as “Top Secret” and “Airborne.” Not so bad, but it definitely gets worse.

Cuddy is largely on the sidelines in Season 4, until at the end when she is shown waiting by House’s bedside instead of running her hospital. She gets a lot of screen time in Season 5, but all of it revolves around her as a potential love interest for House. In “Joy” we learn House’s emotional abuse is a turn-on for her. In “Last Resort” random characters drop Huddy anvils. She engages in immature, destructive pranks with House in “Let Them Eat Cake.” She lashes out unfairly on House in “Big Baby.” And we get more Huddy anvils by random side characters in early Season 6 episodes.

But Cuddy shows glimmers of promise when she ignores House in favor of her new baby in “Joy to the World,” walks out on him when he insults her daughter in “Both Sides Now,” and ultimately handing a hallucinating House over to Wilson. Lisa “I like sex” Cuddy shows interest in a man who doesn’t vomit emotional abuse on her and is stable, who is shown to balance her well (see: Cuddy ranting about House, and Lucas getting her to realize she’s making their relationship about House), who she trusts with her daughter. Cuddy makes it clear to House nothing is going to happen between them, and wisely gives him a fake address so he can’t ruin her Thanksgiving. She’s making room in her life for, well, her life, and she’s being smart about it instead of an eternal victim. Lisa Cuddy was coming back!

But just as Cuddy rewarded House’s abuse in “Joy” with a kiss, here Cuddy decides to ignore everything that’s wrong with House or having a relationship with him. In an instant, her growth and strength are swept under the carpet in favor of hooking her up with House. Because nothing is more important. Especially not for a woman.

Cuddy breaks up with Lucas off-screen, in one line, while still wearing scrubs, when just a few hours ago they were engaged. Her daughter--the one she sought for YEARS--is swept aside and forgotten, all for House. Because Cuddy's story lines can't have any inherent value by being about Cuddy. She's not allowed to be a person unto herself, but instead an accessory for House, to be the barometer for how damaged or sad or whatever the fuck he is. This is the show saying, Cuddy has no value in and of herself, six seasons in, and we're never going to invest in her properly, now shut up and enjoy the kissing.

Cuddy appearing in House’s apartment, telling him to go back to drugs if he wanted, and professing her love was not a moving scene. At least, not in the way TPTB intended—it made me nauseous, it made me sad for Cuddy, the way I felt about her during season 4 and parts of 5. This is not a strong, happy, fulfilled woman. I was irritated when TPTB implied Cuddy is “broken,” but I guess they’re right. Her damage is her lack of self-esteem and steadfast refusal to permit herself anything better in life than a doomed relationship with House, when she’s capable and deserving of so much more.

I don’t want to watch a show where this is the idea of “romance,” this contrived, heteronormative narrative where the lead man and lead woman must get together, even if the time has passed or not yet come or simply doesn’t make sense, and other more relevant, more sensible emotional beats get ignored.

I don’t want to watch a show where not only do none of the female characters ever bother to talk to each other, they always find reasons to hate each other.**

I don’t want to watch trite, emotionally manipulative badfic. Except badfic is better because no one wasted money paying someone to write the crap.

I don’t want to watch a show where the show runner spent the first few seasons saying, it’s unique because it’s both a procedural and character-driven, only to change his tune and deny it was ever about the medicine.

I don’t want to watch a show where the fans care more about continuity than the writers (really, Cuddy is 38? Wilson and Sam married in 1991 but that was 10 years ago?), all the while a writer practically brags in an interview about having no series bible.

I don’t want to watch a show where fantastic actors’ talents go to waste, whether or not said actors realize it.

I don’t want to watch a show where House stops being House. What about us snarky, childfree, introverted, unsentimental atheists who tuned in to see a bit of us on a mainstream show, who hoped it wouldn’t preach True Happiness Is Being Like Everyone Else?

I thought House was a little different, silly me. When it showed itself not to be, I thought I could still enjoy it. But it seems TPTB have given up on even trying anymore, and I honestly can't see any reason why I should keep watching at this point. I'm not really angry, I'm not being vindictive, but in thinking about reasons to tune into Season 7 of House, I'm honestly at a loss.

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*Adelle DeWitt on Dollhouse is the closest to how I had imagined Cuddy’s character would turn out. DeWitt is one of my favorite characters OF ALL TIME, and incredibly complex. She runs a Dollhouse, but has higher-ups to answer to; she works in gray moral areas; she’s able to be simultaneously sympathetic and repellant; her wardrobe is to die for; and jesus christ her relationship with Laurence Dominic is so sexy and they never even touch. Ahem. I digress.

**While watching Nurse Jackie (it’s like House, as a nurse, and a woman, but BETTER), I was astounded by a scene in which Akalitus, the administrator character, and Dr. O’Hara randomly sit down and TALK TO EACH OTHER. And they have RESPECT for each other. I don’t understand why this is so hard to do on House.

***To continue along the relationship metaphor, Season 5 was like the first big fight, complete with not talking to each other for a while (I stopped watching for a few weeks), and then Season 6 was all euphoric and THIS MIGHT WORK OUT, YOU AND ME only to go right back to what was being done wrong in the first place with no effort to fix or acknowledge about WHAT WENT WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE, and when I get mad, only get a pat on a head like I'm just imagining it. (Seriously, this metaphor is working way too well.)

****[EDIT] Here's another metaphor. There is (was? I don't know if they're still around) a pop group in Japan called Morning Musume. They started off moderately popular, and blew up with the single "Love Machine." They had spin-off subgroups and solo acts, all raking it in. They also gained and lost members over time. They began to pander more and more to a tiny, creepy fanboy portion of their fanbase, and added new members who couldn't sing and were nothing more than cute faces (meanwhile, the last of the original members "graduated" from the group). They lost more popularity, so they clinged even harder to the fanboys and pandered even more, and the vicious cycle continued... (and, wow, I think Miki Fujimoto is Cuddy in this metaphor.)


And now I’ll wait for some patronizing asshole to ignore my carefully articularted points and attribute all my dissatisfaction to shipping preferences, despite never mentioning them in this post. Fuck you, too =)